Category Archives: Funny Stuff

Corn ON THE Cob

Hi!  It’s been awhile since I’ve written something hasn’t it!  Did you miss me??  🙂  I’ve been writing blogs for other people and realized that I have been neglected my own blog. Thus I have returned!

My beloved husband has recently discovered that he is allergic to corn.  It is not anything life threatening but it basically just makes him feel bad when he eats something with corn in it. So we went on a journey of discovery to figure out which foods he should stay away from.  This seemed like it would be simple enough, but little did we know but almost everything we eat has some form of corn in it.  We are talking bread, meat, eggs, candy, capsule form of medications, liquid medications and the list goes on forever!  Basically, what he can eat is chicken – if it isn’t corn fed – raw organic fruits and veggies (because the stuff they put on regular fruits and veggies to make them shiny, has a form of corn on it), and brown rice (not white rice even).

Well, since it is not a life threatening issue, we fudge periodically and just stick with things that don’t have high levels of corn – like things that actually use corn or corn meal, corn syrup, that sort of thing.  This way he can actually go out to eat occasionally and cheat without feeling too awful.  And being the loving, supportive people that myself and my son are…we tease him about it constantly.

For this past Father’s Day, a day when you tell your Father how much you love and respect him, we were searching high and low for a plastic ear of corn to wrap up and have our son give him.  Yes, we did the nice card and the nice gift and all that but we really wanted to also give him an ear of corn.  Well, there is a chain of pet stores that carry dog toys in the shape of various fruits and veggies so I thought we could find something there.  The entire week prior to Father’s Day, my son and I scoured the shelves of pet stores, dollar stores, and any store we could think of might have a reason to sell plastic or fake vegetables. These are not as plentiful as one might think.

Alas, we never did find what we were looking for so we had to stick with the love and respect thing for Father’s day. However, several weeks later all 3 of us were in a pet store and as we get to the cashier we notice a display of plastic toys in the shape of veggies (I am not sure even why this is a popular theme for dog toys) and there on top is an ear of corn!!

My son was so excited that he pick it up and said, “Look mom a corn cob!”
Then, before I could say anything, the lady that was checking us out, turned her head all the way around to give him a “look” and said, “Corn ON THE cob”. Then slowly turned her head and her “look” back around to finish checking us out.

As soon as (actually before) we got out of the store, my son and I looked at each other and in unison said, “Corn ON THE cob!” and laughed the whole way home.

Do You Like Tasers?

  Over the weekend the man and I went to a local flea market.  I love to go prowl around in the junk looking for some little treasure because you never know what you will find. In one booth I saw some cute aluminum pink flashlights – anything pink will catch my attention at least for a minute. Upon closer  inspection I noticed that the cute pink flashlight had some considerably “un-cute” teeth looking things around the light itself at the end.
As I am turning it this way and that trying to come up with a good reason for these mean looking metal teeth I hear a voice from the back of the booth, with that twang you only hear at a flea market, call out in my direction, “That’s a taser honey. Do you like tasers?”

That question really threw me and actually rendered me without an immediate response. Could “yes” ever be an appropriate answer to that question?  Could that question ever really be appropriate?  What kind of a person “LIKES” tasers?  As my mind was running through these questions, the twangy voice asked me again, “Do you like tasers honey?” I looked at the man and he was watching with a look that said something like – this should be interesting – and obviously had no intention of saving me. I finally found my voice and said, “No”, hoping that would end the odd query, but I was wrong.

“Why don’t you like tasers honey? questioned twangy voice lady. At this point I am completely discombobulated by this line of questioning and, since I simply could not come up with an appropriate response to her latest inquest, I simply set down the now scary pink flashlight that doubled as a taser and quickly walked away.

So tell me – Do you like tasers??

Beer Making Kit….Fail

My husband and I met when we worked together years ago – I was his boss (this has no bearing on the story really I just like to bring it up whenever possible).  As the awesome boss that I was (I’m sure they all thought that), when Christmas time rolled around I would spend a significant amount of time trying to find something special for each employee – not just a generic gift card.  One year, I thought it would be fun to get the two guys (my now husband being one of these guys) a beer making kit.  It seemed like a unique and fun gift and I thought they would both enjoy.

Flash forward about 11 years and we have been dating for a bit and are now getting ready to get married.  I have a son from a prior marriage so Gerry was excited about going ahead and turning his guest room into our son’s “man-cave”.  So we started cleaning out the closet which was basically just used for storage prior to this.  We knew that my nephew and his girlfriend were going to be having a garage sale soon so we were setting some items that we wouldn’t need again to put in the sale.

Well, low and behold, hidden way in then back of this closet I see the Beer Making machine that I had given him all those years ago. Initially, I was touched that he had kept it all these years, at least right up until he saw it. This is how that conversation went…

Me: Oh look the beer machine!

Him:  Oh yeah, I forgot about that thing.  I have no idea where I got it but we can stick it in the garage sale pile and see if they can get anything for it.

Me: ….You don’t remember where you got it?
(My tone of voice has changed at this point but he is unaware of what that change means)

Him:  No. And I’ve never even opened it. Why make beer when I can just go out and buy it?
(Can you hear the sound of him digging his hole here?)

Me: ….(I am not actually speaking now but just staring at his back which causes him to turn around)

Him: ….(You could see the horrified look on his face as the light bulb went off in his head)
You gave it to me!

The Beer Making Kit sold in the garage sale.